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WhatsApp is not recommended for children—this is nothing new and is common knowledge. Although the app itself does not contain any inappropriate content, WhatsApp makes it easy for its users to share and (unintentionally) receive content that glorifies violence, is political, or is pornographic. One reason for this is that anyone who knows your phone number or tries to guess it from lists can contact you. If such numbers are stored in the perpetrator’s address book, WhatsApp automatically synchronizes the existing contacts and adds them to the WhatsApp phone book. This is why there is a need for family/child messengers.
When it comes to messengers, it is also important to understand the difference between demand and need.
The actual demand for something is not necessarily the same as the need created by third parties to want something (a specific product).
This becomes clear in the marketing and product features of “children’s messengers” developed exclusively for children: a lot is promised to meet parents’ needs for the safety of their children, replacing responsible parenting and guided preparation for digital life with the desire for totalitarian control.
The awakened but generally unnecessary need for all-encompassing control and unilateral power for parents means even more attachment to/dependence on central services and brings one thing above all else: money for the companies that sell isolated solutions.
On the one hand, parents and guardians do not want to expose their children to dangers without protection – on the other hand, children want to act independently and autonomously. The aim here is to strike a healthy balance. In order to succeed in this balancing act, excessive control must be avoided.
The path to digital self-responsibility should therefore ideally be taken together, providing children with a good introduction, support, and ultimately a (stronger) start to digital and independent messenger communication.
Even if it is difficult for parents, children and young people must be allowed to discover their freedoms—this includes learning and experiencing that every right comes with a responsibility. Ultimately, it is about teaching/acquiring messenger skills as part of media literacy.
In many messenger comparisons, “security” is often reduced to the purely technical level or even just the presence of end-to-end encryption. However, in the context of messengers suitable for families and children, “security” must be viewed from a completely different perspective. Requirements for special children’s messengers can include, for example:
It is questionable whether the latter two requirements are appropriate for messengers and actually serve the best interests of the child. In addition, complete and permanent control, such as the approval and management of all contacts by legal guardians, or even their requirement to approve or delete sent and received messages, is not necessarily conducive to a relationship of mutual trust. Special children’s messengers often offer such functions.
However, it should not be underestimated that ways to circumvent restrictions are found faster than one might think. Children and young people in particular are extremely quick to understand and solve problems. Experience has shown that specially isolated children’s messenger solutions are therefore not advisable.
Nevertheless, we want to protect children and young people from external dangers (unwanted contacts and negative messages) and prevent the data of those under our protection from being misused!
Many of the requirements mentioned can be implemented in a practical, simple manner and at no additional cost using “normal” (vendor-independent) messaging. Even if the number of users in your own environment may not (yet) be that high, the total number is significantly higher than that of Threema, for example.
This also means that special isolated solutions are not necessary, because the chat standard based on the international “XMPP” protocol is an optimal and, above all, flexible solution for families and children.
Why?
Conscious contact, safe content, data protection, and preventing repression in children are very important. But how can parents gradually let go? The answer is “reducing control.”
Just as you don’t drive schoolchildren to school until they reach their final year, children must also be allowed to gradually discover and enjoy their freedom when it comes to messenger communication.
The practical implementation can basically be divided into three phases, which vary greatly in terms of time:
Here, it makes sense to first add only each other as contacts. Once the basic functions have been demonstrated, the closest family members can be added accordingly.
A private “family group” is an ideal start. Here, you can learn to send messages in a targeted manner, because not everything is important to everyone.
The differences and advantages/disadvantages compared to other forms of communication, such as the telephone, can also be communicated, because often a personal conversation conducted “online” via telephone leads to the desired result more quickly than delayed messaging.
Once provider-independent messaging is working within the closest circle, the first friends can be brought on board and invited. Here, the child’s chat account can be stored accompanying on another (parent’s) device so that incoming and outgoing messages can be checked from time to time. However, this should not be done secretly, but must be discussed openly in advance! This must also be communicated honestly to the contacts (e.g., grandparents, godparents, uncles/aunts, siblings).
Since the goal is for the child to communicate independently, this controlled use should only take place for a certain period of time and move on to the next stage as soon as possible.
There is then no longer any active control and the child’s chat account must be deleted from the parent’s device!
Nevertheless, regular discussions (e.g., weekly at the beginning) should take place in order to identify any questions that may arise or general bullying (of other children or your own) in good time and to be able to take countermeasures. The goal is unlimited, independent use without supervision. This means that the child has achieved the appropriate level of media literacy with regard to messenger services.
The following generally applies: Each phase should be actively shaped through dialogue with one another. It is helpful for both sides to regularly exchange information about the current status.
When using the chat standard, it is important to emphasize independence from central providers and, above all, the freedom it offers!
This includes, for example, the free choice between compatible apps, free choice of provider, or a free chat account name independent of mobile phone numbers. It is even possible to use it without a SIM card, and multiple devices (PC, laptop, tablet, smartphone) can be used in parallel. Similarly, if encryption is important to you, you can choose between different types.
Another advantage is data sovereignty, as you decide which provider to use for your chat account. There are plenty of freely accessible chat servers from associations, private individuals, or businesses that allow you to quickly create chat accounts (donations are of course welcome in this case, if financially possible). Those interested in technology can even run their own server for family and friends on simple home hardware and still communicate with contacts on other servers.
Various messenger apps for Android and iOS, for example, are “user-friendly and secure” and compatible with each other. However, there are also PC programs that can be used for this purpose.
It should also be emphasized that many apps are free and open source. Android users can download the highly recommended app store F-Droid (external) and install apps from there free of charge.
Special “children’s messengers” are actually unnecessary or excessive. On the other hand, it is very important to discuss possible precautions together and to regularly monitor usage behavior.
You should not protect your children from life, but rather prepare them for it.
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